The Toxic Spectre of Misogyny and How It Affects Our Teens.

I was reading in a news report recently where a high achieving male leader in business called out a female high achieving leader in business with deeply concerning personal remarks. I was so incredibly frustrated and saddened to read the remarks of a businessman who decided it was in his interest and those reading his comments, to use rigid gender and racist stereotypes to shame and deride a woman publicly. I don’t know Nadia Lim personally, but she has always been someone whom I admire, who seems to have reached dizzying heights in her career through sheer hard work, and has created such a powerful brand for herself.

I also wasn’t sure if I was reading some playground taunt like the ones you might experience as a child – but no, the words “Eurasian fluff” came out of a grown man’s mouth when describing Nadia Lim in her context as a leader. A male leader of a multi million dollar company, assigning sexist, racist terminology to a female leader while maligning both her gravitas as a high achieving entrepeneur, her ability to choose how to dress, and her heritage. I felt so deeply disappointed for Nadia, for all the work she has done, for all the jobs she has created through her empire, the respect she has in her industry, and the role model she is for young women entrepeneurs. However mysogyny is a phenomenon that happens in every workplace and to many women who are walking through the labyrinth of leadership. I paused to reflect on why I was so worked up about this - why does it matter?

Simply put, it matters because our kids are watching us. With sexual violence increasing, and the main perpetrators being men aged 15 years -19 years, and the victims, young women of the same age, these comments perpetuate the toxic power and control continuum. Our kids are smart, media savvy, and taking it all in while learning how to ‘be’ in this world – boys learn how you treat women, and girls learn that their bodies will always be for public consumption and derision.

I spend much of my life working with young women, in various capacities, but most recently through The Future You Project, and these comments matter to me because these sexist comments reinforce what girls are being educated to believe. Reinforcing these societal

standards of behaviour that control and restrict women are what feminist writer Lauren Geertsen likens to an invisible corset keeping women “uncomfortable, restricted and exhausted in our bodies.” Our girls are listening and watching what we say and do and with words that demean women we are “...perpetuating a history of bondage rather than a legacy of freedom.” (The Invisible Corset, p. 25)  Our kids carry those words with them for the rest of their lives. Lets do better and choose better.

Its not about what we say, its about what we think and believe, AND say. Calling out the business owner who said these words is fair enough – but he will likely just stop saying  divisive comments in public forums but continue them in places where he is heralded as a hero. Boys need to grow up knowing that women are of equal value to men, understanding how to be an ally for women, and an advocate for ending the sort of behaviour that was on display by someone who should have known better.

“Powerful men who have been called out by #MeToo have left the room, but the room itself still looks very much the same.” Susan Faludi, Author.

So how can we effect change for our next generation? Harvard University has cited some practical suggestions for supporting young people to build resilience and understanding of what toxic masculinity and misogyny can do to self esteem.

1. Build solidarity amongst young people. Talk to young people about building solidarity and taking collective action against harrassment. It’s important to underscore for both sexes the power of standing together and collective action.

2. Be aware of what you say and the beliefs underpinning your views on sexism – they may surprise you.

3. Have a no tolerance policy for sexist, homophobic and racist slurs in schools and other places of education. Be consistent and serious in dealing with those who use the terms that isolate a group of people.

4. Teach our kids what to say and do if faced with sexism.

5. Teach your child to be a critical consumer of media and culture: Help your teen in spotting and critically examining troubling male roles, attitudes, and behaviours in our culture. Why do many women continue to be subject to sexual harassment in the workplace? Why do men continue to outnumber women in critical roles in politics and business? What are effective ways of combating entitled male attitudes that diminish or degrade females?

The brilliant producer, writer Stephen Sondheim once wrote the lyrics  “Be careful the things you say, children will listen, careful the things you do children will see and learn...” It has always resonated with me.

Vicky Pond Dunlop

Rape Culture Pyramid - Artist: Ashley Fairbank